I've been meaning to sit down and write this post for awhile now….but wasn't sure where to begin. If you follow me on Instagram, or have seen pictures of our darling daughter…..you may already know where this post is going.
When Lydia was born, she had what appeared to be a bruise on her ear. We assumed it was from the procedure I had a few weeks earlier (she was breech and the doctor attempted to manually turn her). It seemed minor at the time, we went home from the hospital…..and didn't think anymore of it. At one of her early doctor appointments, he noticed it had grown. Since we were staring in awe at our beautiful baby all day……we didn't notice much of a change. Because the bruising was on her ear, we were sent to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. He inspected her ear, and declared it was a venous malformation. Her hearing wasn't impacted, and we were sent on our merry way. Over the next few months, the malformation continued to grow. This was odd, since malformations were not supposed to evolve and change.
Two visits to specialists, one visit to our local children's hospital, and many dermatology visits later…..we have our answer. Lydia was born with a hemangioma. Easiest way to explain it? Hemangiomas are abnormal growths of cells or blood vessels. They look just like birthmarks. They're usually not a big deal, they grow for about the first six to eight months of life….then slowly involute or disappear over time. When are they an issue? When they are in an area where growth can cause damage……to internal organs, eyes, or in our case…..cartilage. Because Lydia's hemangioma is on her ear, there was concern that permanent malformation would be caused if it continued to grow.
So, we have begun treatment. Medicine is a funny thing, it's amazing how a medication intended for one thing can sometimes be used for another. Twice a day, we apply a glaucoma medication called Timolol to Lydia's ear. While there are possible side effects, she has exhibited none.
We consider ourselves to be very blessed. Lydia is doing extremely well. She is one of the children who will probably have few permanent side effects from her birth defect.
What is the lesson here? This had made me think a lot about how I view imperfection. How our society views imperfection. Once Lydia's hemangioma became apparent, I went through a short stage where I didn't really know what to say to people when they met her. Should I explain what it was? Prepare them in advance? I felt like if I didn't say anything it was weird for THEM. Did they think it was a bruise? That we dropped her? Funny, how I made it all about OTHER people.
Then Lydia and I had one of those perfect days right before my maternity leave ended. We were playing in her nursery, making faces in the mirror. I watched as she laughed, smiled and admired her own reflection. Then it dawned on me, she didn't see her hemangioma. She didn't see an “imperfection”. She only saw herself. Which is exactly what my husband and I see when we look at her. To us, she is perfect.
I thought about, at what age would she realize it was there? Would she become self conscious? Uncomfortable? What are our roles as her parents in this? Do I have all the answers? Not yet. But the one thing I do know, I have decided to live in an emotional place where we find joy in our imperfections. How can we expect our daughter to do so if we don't?
So I challenge each and every one of you, my dear readers to find joy in one “imperfection” in your life today. Because you never know which imperfections are gifts in disguise.
I read your post twice as it was so real to me. I was born with a biggish mole on my cheek. They were going to operate but was told that it would leave a hollow. So it was left and l got so l never saw it but as l got to be in my thirty’s it started to grow and was operated on quickly. Now there is a scar but l don’t see it. I have also a mobility problem so kl don’t get to a lot of things and get a lot of pain but l don’t get down as its normal for me and always will be. There are so many others that have really big problems in there life and l hope they become normal to them to.
Such an awesome awesome post Carly. You are such an great momma, and you thought process is right where it needs to be. My mother always installed in us how beautiful we were and told us everyday. I know I am not perfect in anyway, but her continued confidence in me, allowed me to learn it myself. Lydia is so lucky to have a momma like you!
You are such a great mama, Carly! Lydia is darling, and I love your honest and open way of writing about her little mark.
My daughter was born with a pretty large hemangioma on her ribs/stomach and I remember being so worried that other kids would tease her if she ever had to wear a bikini or something, but it is starting to fade a little bit now. I’m not sure if it will completely go away or not. When she was really little, I was changing her diaper at my friends house and her little girl sort of gasped when she saw it and asked if it was a boo boo and how she got hurt. I told her it was just a birthmark and it didn’t hurt her at all and that was the end of it. She talked nonstop about cute she was after that. I barely even notice it now…it’s just part of her and what makes her unique and special.
Very sweet 🙂 She is such a darling girl, and I’m sure over time the marks will fade. And if they don’t go completely, and she finds it an issue when she’s grown, it’s in a place where no doubt long hair will flow!
Growing up I used to get teased about a mole on my face, but my parents always, always referred to it as a beauty spot… and now, I barely even remember it’s there 🙂 x
I’m sure as she grows up, she won’t even notice it because to her it’s just who she is. She’s beautiful! And as she starts playgroups and what-not her peers will get used to it as well. It’ll definitely be something you’ll learn as you go, because you never know how people will react. Good luck momma! I love your outlook now!
Such a eloquent post. Your daughter is gorgeous!
And you are right, it’s funny how we turn things around and feel like we have to apologize or explain things to people we don’t even know when something is different. The world would be a much better place if people could love themselves and accept differences the way we did when we were children. It’s so wonderful how they can see past any differences and just see the person inside.
Awww. I can tell you thought about this a lot and that means so much. You have a stunning baby girl and no matter what, she is just that.
She is absolutely gorgeous! We are all imperfect beings. Thanks for sharing!
This was a beautiful post.
My son had one of these one the nape of his neck. Sort of where your neck meets your skull.
After treatment, it disappeared over time. And honestly, it only shows pigmentation when he’s really upset. Isn’t that funny?
If it doesn’t fade, hair will cover it eventually.. and I doubt she will be self conscious, because you are clearly going to teach her to love herself from the inside FIRST.. Outside LAST!
She is a perfect little girl 🙂
This post is truly a sweet thing to read over waking up in the morning. I hope you continue to pass on this message to your daughter as she continues to grow and become more aware of perceived flaws. Beautiful.
This post is beautiful! And so is your sweet baby girl. We all need those reminders about how unimportant things like that are in the scheme of things. So glad you were able to get treatment for her and that she’s doing well on the meds! Sounds like God is watching over your family! <3
I hope that you are able to get this taken care of with just medicine, my prayers are with you and your family. Personally, I don’t find your little girl imperfect, while she has this thing it makes her unique which also makes her perfect. 🙂
Wyatt was born with a Hemangioma on the side of his head as well – it was right above his ear so it didn’t cause any complications but I remember people asking us what it was when we were out in public. It’s crazy how much SMALLER it got as he got older – now it’s flat right up against his head – you can barely tell it is there! I feel like our children were just “specially marked” for greatness. I never saw his mark, I don’t see his speech delay, I see him – my adorable, snuggly boy. Your Lydia is absolutely perfect and adorable in every possible way. I just want to snuggle her and pinch those cheeks!
Sending love from Wyatt & Levi <3
This is beautiful. Lydia is so gorgeous and I am happy it is mostly a cosmetic issue and nothing is seriously wrong. My daughter has a large birth mark on her leg and we call it her ‘special spot.’ She doesn’t ever notice it and I’m not sure if she will ever care? As for Lydia noticing her spot? I think it tends to be other kids that take notice and ask, but as her hair grows it won’t show as much and she (and other) won’t even notice.
Lydia is absolutely adorable (and she’s a damn good dresser too) 🙂 All that matters is that she is happy, healthy, and she has parents the love her unconditionally. She’s lucky to have you as a Mommy!! xo
Thank you for sharing this! It touched me so much it gave me chills. My daughter had to get glasses when she was two. My husband and I have struggled with our sight all our lives and I finally was able to get LASIK. Right after my procedure we found out that Gabi had to have glasses and possible surgery for her wandering eye. It killed me…I cried and cried over glasses. I remember how I was teased and taunted in school and didn’t want that for her. We went and had her fitted for her glasses and she loved them…she still does! They make her who she is and she loves it. Who are we to not love it too?
Funny how we make things about others and not about the special person who you think it will effect. They don’t see imperfection…they don’t think you or I messed up in any way while carrying them…why should we!
Thank you for sharing!!
So beautiful friend! I love how you said when Lydia looks in the mirror she doesn’t see what’s on her ear…she just sees herself. And you are so right!! And if you keep the attitude that you are adopting, then she will continue to just see herself and nothing else. Oh friend, you are such an amazing mommy with a terrific and gentle heart. Lydia is one lucky girl!
OMGosh – tears over here. What an awesome post and my word, she is just beautiful! I love the name Lydia, too. 🙂
My cousin’s daughter had a hemangioma and needed surgeries and treatment because of where it was on her upper lip. She’s just fine now, and does have some lasting scarring but she is and always has been a beautiful little girl with an incredible heart. They used to tell her, and curious children who were mostly worried, not being nasty, that it was where an angel kissed her. My cousin had a harder time with rude adults saying hurtful things but it wasn’t until her daughter was 4 or 5 that she (the daughter) was first upset by something that was said to her. My best friend’s daughter also has one right on top of her head but, again, her parents have always just dismissed anyone’s comments/concerns in a way that made it clear there wasn’t any reason to worry or pay attention to it and that has worked very well. Maddie is about to be 2 and she doesn’t even seem to know it’s there. It’s such a blessing that even though I as an adult know I can get so obsessed over my own “flaws” that kids don’t think that way!
Great post! So true!
Beautiful post Carly! Lydia is adorable and with your attitude she’ll think that on her own too. 🙂
Friend-
This is such a lovely post. Lydia has such a cute little ‘robbie-esq’ squint about her. LOVE IT!
I am like many that posted here. I have a “port wine stain” birthmark that spans the right side of my forehead and down my noise. As a girl, growing up I never really saw it. I think mostly because my parents praised my beauty and never pointed to it as a bad thing. It was only when I got in to my teens that it bothered me personally. I would get upset or NERVOUS in class and it would get bright red. I got questions and just reply it was always there. I looked in to treatment but, alas it could be connected to nerves and cause other problems (It is known to be connected to seizures in some people). At that time (mid 90’s), I wasn’t willing to risk more issues over this mark. Enter in the BEST plastic surgeon and dermatologist!! He introduced me to a couple of make ups that were created specifically for my birthmark! YIPPIE. I never looked back. I am sure Lydia’s hair will cover any remaining spot. As long as she is healthy! The best thing you as parents can do is create a positive body image, I know you will do that!! You are great parents!!
All My Love you you all!
Perfectly imperfect. She is so beautiful!!
I have a massive hemangioma across a large portion of my side and abdomen, and I constantly grapple with the wonder of when it might start damaging my liver (if it hasn’t already). I’ve had several laser surgeries to try to, I guess…dissolve it?, but it grew back and then some. That was almost 15 years ago, though. I rarely notice it now when I look in the mirror because it’s so much a part of me, but I remember I always had to remind my doctors and nurses that “No, I don’t have a rash, it’s a hemangioma,”. I’d get some crazy looks from people thinking I was about to drop dead of some kind of scary flesh-eating bacteria or something!
Lydia is beautiful, and so is her Mom! Lovely post, thank you so much for sharing! <3
Powerful, beautiful post. Thank you.
We always wonder if we have to explain such things. I’m glad you’ve gotten to this point in your journey. I loved the last part where you witnessed her looking at herself and realizing she just sees herself as she is. Imperfections and all. She doesn’t know any different. Her imperfections make her who she is and who she will grow up to be. Which is perfect in and of itself. She is simply gorgeous!!! Such a beautiful baby!!
Oh she is the sweetest. I am thankful you have shared this experience. I hope and pray that all continues to go well. Imperfections make us unique.
I had someone tell me as I was interacting with their child that he had down syndrome. I knew that already, but I thought it was odd she would tell me. I guess it’s the same thing you are going through. I knew it but didn’t really notice it, I noticed a smiling happy baby and I just wanted to see him smile! You are doing a great job and she’s beautiful!
It’s amazing how sometimes you can read exactly what you needed to hear… I’ve been thinking about imperfections a lot lately (my own, my kids’, my life in general), and while they seem like imperfections to me, I doubt anyone else even notices them.
she is beautiful! I recently saw a specialist about my sons head and he needs to wear a helmet for awhile to correct it but I always saw him as being perfect. My husband was the one to push me to take him to a specialist though because he saw his head protruding forward.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I do wish your daughter makes a full recovery. I recently got a staff infection in the middle of my forehead, right between my eyebrows. I also had a chicken pox scar there already, so it just made it that more noticeable. What I wasn’t expecting was how so many people “shunned” me due to this. I used to be a relatively pretty person, or at least I thought so. I am now so self conscious about it, I have become a recluse. I have been saving and saving so I can get derma needling to try and improve and irradiate this scar, for good. I never knew how truly ugly people can be. I had so many people ask me what the heck happened to your face that I have become a recluse. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does, greatly. I wish I was brave enough to just accept it and move on with my life. Thank you for sharing your own story about your daughter. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!