A recent conversation at the playground inspired this post. As I chatted with another mom, she casually said that she had a hard time finding mom friends since most of the moms she meets are “old moms”. My birthday is next week. And I’ll be 37. So, if you do the math…..I was almost 35 when Lydia was born. What does that mean? I’m pretty sure I fall into the “old mom” category (advanced maternal age if we’re using medical terms).
So, the more I turned this over and over in my mind as Lydia and I walked home…….the stronger I felt. Here’s the deal……my husband and I met when I was 31 years old. We dated for less than a year, and got married. After a year of marriage, we decided to expand our family (after all, we weren’t getting any younger). One miscarriage and many fruitless attempts later……we have one perfect daughter. And honestly? I wouldn’t change that timeline if I could. Why? Because our family is exactly what we wanted. Because Lydia arrived at the perfect time for all of us. Because she was prayed for and longed for and I was ready for her and that worked for US.
Do I worry that if we have another child, I’ll be older? That there will be additional risks? That I will easily tire, have a harder time recovering from birth (in my case it will probably be a c-section again), that my children will have to deal with aging parents at a younger age than their peers? YES. Of course I worry about these things. But you know what comes with age? A sense of peace. Knowing who you are. Confidence in your decisions.
Mommy: / leggings c/o Albion Fit / tee c/o Loved by Hannah and Eli / sneakers /
Lydia: / leggings c/o Albion Fit / tee c/o Loved by Hannah and Eli / sneakers /
pictures by Cindy Green Photography
While I may only have been a parent for two and half years, I’ve been a teacher working closely with families for fourteen years. And the one thing I constantly remind myself? Every family is different. And the happiest children? Are a part of family units that have done what works for THEM. Our goal as parents is to meet the needs of our children, right? To create a warm, nurturing environment where our kids will thrive…..and grow to be happy and healthy adults. So for me that meant, some time for us to be married and some time to recover from a miscarriage. And we are all better for it.
So, what do I WISH I’d said to the girl at the park? I wish I’d said that there are a lot of things that I consider when looking for mom friends, but their age certainly isn’t one of them. I look for women that love their babies with a passion. I look for women that are willing to dig in the sandbox with their little ones. I look for women who may be a little tired or a little frazzled, but who are doing motherhood with joy in their hearts and a smile on their faces. Because the reality is mamas, whether we had our babies at the age of 24, 34, of 44…….we were darn lucky to have them.
So I challenge you mamas, the next time you spot a mom at the park who may be a bit outside of your normal mom friend circle……smile and say hello. Whether she’s older or younger than you, or parenting a child with special needs or clearly has just left the office and is trying to get an hour in with her kiddo before doing it all again the next day……she’s a mom just like you and could probably use a friend (and a cup of coffee).
In celebration of moms everywhere……Lydia and I are wearing our favorite “mom uniform”…….yoga pants. But these mommy and me leggings by Albion Fit? They’re adorable, and perfect for a day filled with playdates and errands. We are teaming up with Albion Fit to give one of YOU a $50 gift card…..so that you can buy your own adorable mom uniform for yourself or a mom you love!
So mamas, give me your thoughts. I’m planning to write a follow up post to this sharing quotes from some of my favorite moms on parenting in different circumstances!
So much pretty stuff! I would buy the Antigua Slate Extended Leggings.
I’ve had my eye on those exact same capri leggings (Antigua Cobalt) for months now…I’ve just yet to get around to ordering them!
I like the Antigua Romper
I would get the Antigua capris.
I would buy the Saffron Swing Dress!
I am lovin Albion’s Metro Sprinting Shorts, pretty sure I would get those if I won
I would get the Black Two-a-Days Tank!
I love the grey Zip-up Hoodie!
Summit half zip in zig zag
I like the Metro Sprinter Shorts.
Santiago Love Racer but probably a lot more with that. i love cute workout clothes, and i have never heard of this brand before. they have such cute things!
I want the Pana Stripe Breathe Freely Tank. Also one of everything else they have. I love your leggings.
I like the Santiago Love Racer!
I would have to buy their At Ease Joggers!! They look so comfy!
I like Silver Two-a-Days Tank.
I would get the Go Capri, Antigua Cobalt. btw, I don’t think you’re an old mom
I’d buy a swimsuit. I don’t even know which one. It’s an impossible choice!
Love Albion Fit! I really like the On the Go-Go, Antigua Slate Zip-Up ~ the Antigua Slate is my fave Print!!
I would buy the Pana Stripe Breathe Freely Tank.
I like the Love Racer, Mint.
They have so many cute clothes! I really love the one piece swim suits, especially The Slate Antigua Maillot!
My parents had me later than their 30s too and I totally get why. I’m 26 with no kids and I’m very happy right now! I will have them once I’m married and the time is right, on no one else’s time clock. You have a beautiful daughter 🙂
http://www.thebeautybeau.com/
Aw thank you!
Black Swing Dress
I really like the jetsetter pants.
I like the Pana Stripe Breathe Freely Tank.
I love the Go Long Crew with thumb-holes, Oatmeal, very cute, thanks!
I enjoyed the post! Thanks for sharing with us at Snickerdoodle Sunday! You and your daughter are adorable!
Carly, I love your challenge to us moms to embrace each other no matter our age, circumstances, or parenting differences. That’s so important to remember. I was a very, very young mom when I had my first child (19!), and always felt a little ostracized because of my age. Now at the age of 39, and not quite sure I’m done having children, I will be on the opposite end of the spectrum if I do have another child. I agree that our common bond as moms should supersede our differences!
hopeandcents.com
Isn’t it funny how quick we are to judge other moms when they’re outside the “norm” for any reason? It’s so odd to me, as a teacher I’ve seen families of all makes, ages, and dynamics. And let me tell you, it makes NO difference. Great parenting and homes filled with love come in many forms…….and my only goal? That my daughter grows up in a happy and healthy household!
So well said. <3 I think that there are pros and cons to any age (what is the PERFECT time to have children??) but all that matters in the end is what works for your family. Kids are always a miracle. <3
EXACTLY!
I would probably buy the Go Soft Legging in Evergreen if I won! 🙂
I would like to get a pair of capris!
I would get the Dulce Breathe Freely Tank! Cute!
I’m obsessed with the Slate Antigua Romper!
Loving the Laguna one piece!
I like the Go Long Crew with thumb-holes.
I am in love with the Antigua Romper.
I was 37 when I had my now 2 yr old so I know how you feel. Your doing a great job mom!
Aw thanks Erin!
I would love to get the Santiago love racer tank!
I think I qualify as an old mom, too! I hope that we are learning as a society that different does not equal bad! I notice this divide in things other than age: working moms and stay-at-home moms, homeschool and public school, etc. If only we could see other moms as allies and not threats!
So true, it’s amazing how something that should bond all of us has create more ways for us to divide. It makes me really sad!
I’m definitely an older mom, but it’s pretty normal where I live in California. However , when we go “home” to see our families in the Midwest, we are definitely old parents. Maybe the oldest ever (just kidding). The only thing I would change about waiting so long would be that our number of children is now very limited. In fact, we may not be able to have another child. If I started earlier, we would have a dozen kids. 🙂 I do feel like my best self ever now, though, and I know that has to have a positive impact on our daughter.
I’d love to get matching Ultimate Hoodies in heather grey for me and my toddler! I love the matching mommies and minis! I also adore their new Pana Stripe Long Sleeve Rash Guard- it’s pretty much perfection.
So true, we’re in LA and it’s definitely more the norm here to be over 30 or even in your 40s…….
I really enjoyed this post because, I too, am a bit of an ‘older mom’. I love that I am though. I do happen to know myself and Hun knows himself more than if we’d met and had kids at a younger age. Oh and I think it’s neat you met your husband at 31, I was 30 and Hun 32 when we met! 😀
It totally worked for us! I’m glad we met when we did!
I have to admit that when you said “old moms” I thought you meant “really old” moms like me. I was 48 when we adopted my newborn son. Then I was 50 when we adopted his 5-mo-old brother. The youngest turned 5 just today. I know I’ll be past retirement age when he graduates high school and so will my husband. And yes, we tire easily, but I’m a work-at-home mom and my husband is a stay-at-home-dad. So my boys have mom and dad 24/7. And we’ve gotten past being annoyed when people call us their grandparents. So when I see moms on the playground that look like they’re in their 30s, I still think of them as the “young moms”, because you never really see the “really old moms”, like me.
It sounds to me like y’all did what was best for you and the kids. It’s amazing how people assume that you are the “grandparents”. My mom actually struggled with the same thing, my grandmother had her in her late 40s. One of the reasons I love our ob-gyn, he was very clear about supporting everyone having children when they were ready…….and told me it was more and more common for people to be having children through a variety of methods in their late 40s. Good for you two, and it sounds like a wonderful environment for those boys!
This is a lovely post. I really wish as women we could come together with grace, acceptance and support of one another and end the mommy competition. But I am an old mom too and I also wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for making me stop to ponder this post and thank you for linking up to Family Joy Blog Link-up Party this week!
I would love to get the Izabal Love Racer
What a lovely sentiment. I agree with you, there’s plenty of things to consider when it comes to mom friends, but their age isn’t one of them. Mom friends are all about support for our children and each other. It doesn’t matter how old they are, it’s the wisdom that they impart in you that counts. Thanks so much for such an inspiring post! So glad you were able to join us on #shinebloghop this week 🙂
I’m an “older” mom too and wouldn’t have it any other way. I feel so much more confident now that I am in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s which I think helps me as I parent. Sometimes I see the younger moms and think they wouldn’t want me in their circles, but that is just as judgemental. Thanks for the reminder that we all need mom friends no matter our age!
I went through infertility for 6 years–so I was 30 by the time I had my first child. Now I’m 45 with four kids ages 13 and younger. One of my neighbors is a great friend of mine. Sometimes I can’t believe she’s still in her 20s because I just don’t feel that old. I love your outfits. Thank you for sharing this at 100 Happy Days!
If I was the lucky winner, I would get the Izabal Love Racer!!
I would buy albion fit’s signature hoodie! I love it!
Thank you for this inspiring post! I do not have a partner yet nor any children. I am 33. So it was added hope hearing this from you. Keep inspiring!
While I wouldn’t put you at an old mum (I’m 39 with a 5 year old and definitely don’t class myself as an old mum), I love his post. I think more mums should ignore what others think, and just concentrate on the positives of their motherhood experience. Because for most, it is phenomenal and fun, and just what you make it, and what works for your family.
I would not say you are an old mom. But then I have a 7.5 year old and am turning 46 on Monday. I often have thought about the fact that I am an old mom. My daughter only began to realize it this year. Her classmates were discussing their moms ages and they realized of the group talking about it I was the oldest. And of course all of my mom friends are much younger than me. But as you put it age is not what is important. It is how it works for your family. I definitely feel more comfortable with who we are as a family and what I want for our daughter than I would have as a younger mom.
Thanks for sharing at Sharing Saturday!! I am featuring this post!!
You sure are lucky to have your precious little girl! I wanted to be and thought I would be a relatively young mom–but getting pregnant didn’t come quickly and I lost our first baby last month–I’ll just be grateful for a baby whenever another one does come along!
This post hit home for me this week. I am a mom of one daughter and only one. I know VERY few families and no friends, with an only child that is my daughter’s age. This week as I was running Girl Scouts I commented on the chaos and noise level. The other moms then laughed and told me I wasn’t used to it because I only have one kid.
It always hurts my feelings when other moms tell me how easy it must be for me. They don’t know my home life or that I wanted more kids but my husband did not. I feel it’s been so hard to make “mom friends”. I am always being left out of conversations like I don’t have as much experience as they do.
I appreciated your post to remind us to keep open minds and hearts.