All moms have them. Your friends that don’t have kids yet. And we all have a few things we’d like to share with them, right? Here are eight things I want to say to my friends who don’t have kids.
// top c/o The Mint Julep Boutique / shorts / necklace / sandals //
pictures by Cindy Green Photography
Before I go any further, I want to share. I WAS THAT FRIEND. I’m 36 (almost 37) years old with a two and a half year old. My husband and I met when I was a couple years into my thirties. So, I was that friend. The single friend who watched her girlfriends get married and have children while I was still going to happy hour, telling horrible first date stories, and going to weddings without a date. I’ve tried to remember what that felt like as we expanded our family…..but I do look back, and wish my friends who had children before me had just said a few things directly.
I’m not trying to turn my back on you or our friendship. I do care, in fact…..I care more than ever. I’m just adjusting to a world where a human is totally dependent upon me. And my husband? I’m trying to not ignore him. And a shower? Hopefully those are happening. I promise, I have not forgotten you. I’m just trying to figure out what all my old relationships look like in the context of this new one.
This is awesome and awful at the same time. I need a safe place to vent. And I’m afraid to vent to you, because I don’t want you to think I don’t love my baby. So, I naturally gravitate towards other moms. They just get it. 
You have a special place in my heart. You know ME. Just me. The me that drank too many margaritas on Cinco de Mayo. The me that cried after that asshat broke up with me (when I really should have dumped him). The me that moved to a new city, made new friends, and started a career. The reality is, you’ve seen me thrive in a million circumstances (probably more than my husband since I’ve known you longer)…..and while you may not totally get what I’m doing these days……you are the one who will remind me I can thrive in motherhood too.
I GET IT. It’s not fair. The truth is, you’re giving more than I am in this friendship right now. But I promise, this will shift. I will give as much as I can to you. And I’ll remember how much you gave to me.
I still want to hear about your life. The first dates. Your engagement. Wedding plans. Career goals. I still want to know. It may seem like I’m not listening. But I am. And I care. A lot.
Please be gentle with me. And know that I’m moving mountains sometimes to just meet for dinner. Every family’s dynamic is different. But for most new moms……getting out to see a friend is a BIG deal. It takes a lot of planning, and can be a little nerve racking. So, I know that I asked for us to have dinner at 6 pm when we normally met at 8. I know that I had one drink instead of my usual two. I know that I left my phone out on the table and glanced at it every thirty seconds. But I’m trying my BEST.
Thank you. Thank you for pretending that you’re interested in my sleep training debates. Or my reports about how my kid is nursing. I know, I remember the listening. And thinking…..that I had absolutely nothing to say in return. So I know that you’re listening because you care about me.
To my friends who had children before me…..thank you. And I get it now. I get how huge it was that you came to my 30th birthday for the weekend. And my bachelorette party. And my wedding. And that you still called, even if it was less often. And to my friends who don’t have children…….thank you for being patient with me. I promise, you are still my first call or text…..they just happen less often. And I promise, when you have children to be gentle with you (and to try to not say I told you so).
Great post! As that single and child-less friend, I appreciate this post! Sometimes it can be so tough to really walk in someone else’s shoes and your tips here can really be applied to many different life circumstances. I’m in my late twenties and it’s such a difficult age because so much is uncertain and my friends that I always had so much in common with are now in different phases of life. I admit- sometimes when I’m sitting in 2-hours of bumper to bumper traffic and heating up a lean cuisine, I look at my stay-at-home-mom friends and think ‘nice life!’ But the truth is, no path is easier than another. My single, full-time worker life isn’t easy either! That’s what I’d love to tell my friends that are parents. My life isn’t easier or less busy because I don’t have a child or husband. Commuting, working 40+ hours a week, and blogging is a difficult balancing act.
Lovely, thought provoking post!
Christie
The Closet by Christie
That was TOTALLY me! It was a rough time, I felt like everyone else was in a different place……….and no one understood where I was coming from! And yes, all that IS a lot!
Thank you for this. I am “that friend.” 🙂 And it was so beautifully and humbly articulated. I really appreciated your tone because it was so gentle. As “that friend,” I care about what’s going on in your world so much. I often don’t know how to add to the conversation because our lives feel so different at times. But just knowing that our friendship is still valuable to you at this stage of your life means the world. 🙂 Hopefully all of your “that friends” will offer you grace & commitment. 🙂 Really appreciated this post today <3
Thank you SO much for this megan! I was that friend too, and man was it hard!
Hi Carly, I am just a little younger than you. Like you I became a mom in my early thirties. I can so relate to this post. As you know our daughters are very similar in age. I think every day things we did without thinking before like eating (without interruptions), reading a book while enjoying a glass of wine or even things like putting makeup on and showering, all take more time and effort now and sleep – what sleep. The struggle is real. Thanks for writing this honest post and expressing exactly what I feel, too.
BTW I love the top and sandals! Cute everyday look and very mom-ready, too.
Have a great weekend! Ada. =)
Great post! I’m afraid I did lose a few friends when my kids were small; but that perhaps says more about them than me!
Thanks for sharing with us at Throwback Thursday!
Mollie
SO true!
The dynamics really do change don’t they? For myself I am at the stage where my own kids are entering this stage where their friends are having kids and they haven’t yet themselves.
I just want to encourage you. I’m “that” friend I suppose, the one who is almost 30 without a child. I’m happily married and have been for a few years. Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean we don’t understand how hard it is to move schedules around. In fact, my older sister who has two kids seems to have an easier time adding things to her schedule than I do. We know how tough adding in a dinner can be or even a shower. We don’t have to “pretend” to listen and care about your routines with your children because we DO care. We care because we know you’re not pretending to care about the things in our lives that no longer relate to you as well. Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean we’re not 100% naive to how it changes someone’s world. Give us some credit. 😉